When Jeff Goldblum was announced as a featured guest at the 2018 incarnantion of Fan Expo Dallas, I was ecstatic. Dr. Ian Malcolm? Seth Brundle? Steve Zissou’s nemesis? Those are only a sampling of the roles that have defined Goldblum as a national treasure, an adonis with an approachable charm and the most sly smile known to man.
I had to see him.
A candid chat with Goldblum was one of the earliest events of the second day of Fan Expo and I waited thirty minutes in line for a seat. I would have gladly waited thirty hours to see the legendary Mac from Earth Girls Are Easy, one of the finest science fiction films of its (and any) generation.
(Editor’s Note: Nowhere in this article does Ovidio mention The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, which is a travesty. He has been duly reprimanded.)
As I sat down in the convention center’s main theatre, a voice over the PA system announced that the planned Q&A portion of the Goldblum chat would be cancelled. Good. The unwashed masses did not deserve to inquire into the insights of the man who once voiced Captain Planet’s Verminous Skumm, truly the most terrifying villain of the 1990’s. Anthony Hopkins has gone on record to say his portrayal of Hannibal Lector is deeply indebted to Goldblum’s Skumm. Don’t look it up … it’s true.
When Goldblum finally made his way to the stage, the crowd burst into rapturous applause, grateful to bask in the presence of this brilliant raconteur. It was his son’s birthday and he chose to spend the day with us, delaying his fortunate son’s festivities by a day to grace us with Goldblum. He regaled us with stories, mostly about the jazz band for which he plays piano, about his positive experiences working with Thor: Ragnarok director Taika Waititi and about his excitement voicing Dr. Ian Malcolm once more for the new Jurassic World video game.
The moderator asked Goldblum if he would be taking his shirt off once more for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Goldblum only responded wryly, “Well, in the trailer, you can see me at a senatorial hearing. That wouldn’t appropriate, now, would it?”
The audience was rapt with laughter. How could they not be? The man is a saint. A legend.
The chat was only fifteen minutes, but that’s all we needed to experience Goldblum-mania. A standing ovation was in order as he left the stage. I had all of the Goldblum I deserved but I would see him again later that day.
As a favor to Super Kaiju Editor-in-Chief Brandon Wainerdi, who could not be there because of something called a “real job”, I waited in line to have Goldblum sign a print drawn by renowned LucasArts and Double Fine artist Scott Campbell. This print featured all of Goldblum’s characters gathered in one place, all of them with Goldblum’s roguish smile.
I waited for two hours, nerves fraying a little by little with each step closer to Goldblum.
And then … there was silence. Goldblum looked straight at me, and seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours. Then, he handed me Brandon’s print, signed, froze my soul with his smile and simply said, “Thank you.”
No, Mr. Goldblum. Thank you.
