Nothing is what is used to be: we have elected a reality television star as our president, children are eating laundry detergent and the success of comic book films has made the comic nerd a desirable demographic. Gone is the stereotype of pimpled mouth-breathers, replaced by an image of strong men and women fiercely debating whether The Mandarin will ever actually show up in a Marvel film.
Now that being a geek is … surprisingly mainstream, these stereotypes of unlucky-in-love dorks are also being shattered. It’s a brave new world out there for newly-taken nerds and, luckily for these less-than-experienced MCU fans, we have compiled a list in no particular order of the best comics to gift for Valentine’s Day, as well as the best scenarios for each one.
Black Hole by Charles Burns:
For When the Tests Come Back Positive and You Have to Break the News.
Let’s say you’re a ladies’ man (or a gentleman’s woman): you can’t be tied down. This often means contracting a little … VD, just in time for VD. Break the news gently with a crisp copy of Black Hole, Charles Burns’ bleak, coming-of-age tale about teenagers contracting a horrific STI that causes severe physical mutations. Your S/O may have the herp, but they’ll be relieved that at least they don’t have an extra mouth growing out of their throat!
DC’s The Wanderers:
For That Special Someone Who Really Loves Animals.
Are you dating someone who lets their dog lick the inside of their mouth? Well, you should give them the full run of DC’s short-lived The Wanderers. This book featured a team of mostly forgettable superheroes, with the exception of team member Aviax. He is a human who can turn into any bird, but he mostly uses that power to do it with other birds.
Avengers Vol. 3 #71:
For When You Want to … Drop a Hint at Your Significant Other.
This is an issue of The Avengers where Hank Pym, erstwhile Ant-Man, uses his shrinky powers to get tiny and … scurry around in his wife, then demanding she reciprocate. For some reason, Marvel cut this scene out of the online and trade paperback versions of this issue, so you have to find the original pressing to read it all in its original glory.
Ultimates 3:
For When You Want to … Well, Just Read It.
In 2008, one of the most hotly-anticipated comic series of the year was Ultimates 3.
Written by Jeph Loeb and Joe Madureira, two of the most popular creators of the 1990’s, Ultimates 3 is mostly notable for featuring twin siblings Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch as a couple. The only character that thinks this is objectionable is Captain America, whose concerns are dismissed by everyone else as outdated 1940’s thinking.
